Holidays? Its February? It's never too late for a good story.
What comes to mind when you think of the holidays, family, friends, presents, good food? Moses? Jesus? Many of you out there who work your nine-to-five jobs probably also associate the holidays with extended paid leave from work, holiday bonuses, and company parties. Oh what a joyous time of year, a time of cheer, and a time of glee!
I want to share with you the wondrous joyous holiday party we held this past year at GenTechs.
I received a call from Bob a week or so before Jesus' birthday (by the way, happy 2007th birthday Jesus!) and Bob wanted to know about holiday parties and traditions, as well as what days are normally taken off from work. To many of you these may seem like odd questions to ask, but you must understand that Bob is not natively from the United States, he is actually Liechtensteinian (that means he is from Liechtenstein). Based on his foreign nationality, Bob just was not aware of our lavish American customs when it comes to the holidays. Bob's first suggestion was that we rent out his entire home country of Liechtenstein for a holiday party. When Bob came down from his zealous national pride and excitement he realized the cost to do that would be too great. Finally he asked about organizing a regular party to which I replied was a good idea. The conversation ended at that point.
A week or so had passed and everyone in the office was getting ready to leave early and begin their holiday plans. I received a call from Bob, who had not been in to the office since that phone call a week earlier. Out on other business ventures, no doubt. Anyways, he said he would be there in 30 minutes and had a surprise for us and would need help to bring it up. 2 and a half hours later Bob called to say he was downstairs. I went downstairs and grabbed a box out of his car and brought it back up to the office. After waiting about 45 minutes, Bob finally finished the trip up the single flight of stairs (he must have gotten sidetracked). He called a few of us into his office and proceeded to tell us that he brought us all some special gifts for the holidays. The box was clearly from a mail order company. He opened the box and showed us various boxes of assorted snacks and chocolates... like the ones you would find in a gift basket from mail order companies around the holidays. Bob turned to us and said "I brought these for you, and, you can each take two!" Wow! the generosity! Even though it looked like the choice items had already been taken, probably by Bob's family, and it wasn't presented in the lovely gift basket format we all know and love, it was still a wonderful gesture of appreciation. Seeing the look of joy in our eyes, Bob then told us all to have a nice holiday and enjoy our unpaid vacation days.
I hope you enjoyed reading about Holidays 2007 at GenTechs as much as I enjoyed telling it.
I have decided that my next posting will be a profiling of Bob, a short biography. I wanted to give you a story of the life of the man who is responsible for this blog. I also want to inform you of the path he has taken to success so that you may one day follow in his footsteps.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Presenting Rule #13
Let me begin this week with an apology. I had promised that this would be a place to share stories, stories that would not only amaze, but inspire. These stories would be filled with many wonderful anecdotes written in such a way that would not only enlighten, but educate you, the reader, about the teachings of Bob. The stories will serve a dual purpose, to help you become a more productive member of your business environment and hopefully, eventually, take the skills learned here to venture out on your own.
Unfortunately for you the reader, Bob has been following his set of rules down to a T. What that means in practical terms, that you, the layman can understand, is that Bob has been away on other pursuits, which leaves us with a lack of stories. He understands that his time and his guidance are so valuable that something inevitable must happen. Before I let you in on what exactly that inevitable outcome is, lets turn quickly back to the prior stated fact that Bob's time is immeasurably valuable. It is so valuable in fact, that even though he is the leader, the decision maker, here at GenTechs, he must not waste his time by dealing with trite office tasks. He knows that he is just too valuable for GenTechs to actually spend his time managing the company and giving it direction. As you, the reader, should now be acutely aware, Bob should, no, must, spend his time elsewhere engaging in various other business pursuits. And as has already been stated, Bob is doing just that. So, I do apologize for the lack of fresh stories, but they will begin in earnest very soon.
In addition, that inevitable outcome of which I spoke earlier has to do directly with the other point I made, Bob's guidance is very valuable. Because of the statement made earlier, "... understands that his time and his guidance are... valuable...", Bob can rest assured knowing that even though he must spend his time following other pursuits, his company, our company of GenTechs, can run just fine without his management or direct guidance. He understands that even though his employees do not have the qualifications or the experience to run the business on a day to day basis, they will do just fine as long as they follow his immeasurably valuable rules and prior guidance.
With that out of the way, I regret to inform you that I do not have a story for you, instead I will be presenting to you rule number 13. Please pay special attention because this rule (As with all other rules) is especially important.
13. Starting times are for grumpy old men. Whose bright idea was it to come up with the idea that a "normal" business day should begin at 9 and end at 5? Just because the sun comes up in the morning and sets in the evening should not dictate that work begin sharp in the morning and end sharp in the evening. That kind of talk is conservative nonsense. If you want to succeed in the 21st century, you need be forward thinking. This means that business happens all the time, not just between two preset times of the day. As such, encourage your employees to just show up, instead of show up on time. Without rules as to starting times, your employees will feel important, they will feel they are the master of their own domain and will set their own schedules. Even if they show up late and leave early, you can rest assured knowing that they are happier with their schedule and will be infinitely more productive during the day (or even night!). Having set schedules or rules concerning schedules will only cost you important time and money trying to enforce and uphold those rules or schedules.
Bob should be returning to the office at some point... in the future. So stories of his teachings and methods should begin soon. In the mean time, keep a pen and some paper handy because the rules are constantly growing and evolving as Bob continues to grace us with his teachings.
Until Next Time.
Unfortunately for you the reader, Bob has been following his set of rules down to a T. What that means in practical terms, that you, the layman can understand, is that Bob has been away on other pursuits, which leaves us with a lack of stories. He understands that his time and his guidance are so valuable that something inevitable must happen. Before I let you in on what exactly that inevitable outcome is, lets turn quickly back to the prior stated fact that Bob's time is immeasurably valuable. It is so valuable in fact, that even though he is the leader, the decision maker, here at GenTechs, he must not waste his time by dealing with trite office tasks. He knows that he is just too valuable for GenTechs to actually spend his time managing the company and giving it direction. As you, the reader, should now be acutely aware, Bob should, no, must, spend his time elsewhere engaging in various other business pursuits. And as has already been stated, Bob is doing just that. So, I do apologize for the lack of fresh stories, but they will begin in earnest very soon.
In addition, that inevitable outcome of which I spoke earlier has to do directly with the other point I made, Bob's guidance is very valuable. Because of the statement made earlier, "... understands that his time and his guidance are... valuable...", Bob can rest assured knowing that even though he must spend his time following other pursuits, his company, our company of GenTechs, can run just fine without his management or direct guidance. He understands that even though his employees do not have the qualifications or the experience to run the business on a day to day basis, they will do just fine as long as they follow his immeasurably valuable rules and prior guidance.
With that out of the way, I regret to inform you that I do not have a story for you, instead I will be presenting to you rule number 13. Please pay special attention because this rule (As with all other rules) is especially important.
13. Starting times are for grumpy old men. Whose bright idea was it to come up with the idea that a "normal" business day should begin at 9 and end at 5? Just because the sun comes up in the morning and sets in the evening should not dictate that work begin sharp in the morning and end sharp in the evening. That kind of talk is conservative nonsense. If you want to succeed in the 21st century, you need be forward thinking. This means that business happens all the time, not just between two preset times of the day. As such, encourage your employees to just show up, instead of show up on time. Without rules as to starting times, your employees will feel important, they will feel they are the master of their own domain and will set their own schedules. Even if they show up late and leave early, you can rest assured knowing that they are happier with their schedule and will be infinitely more productive during the day (or even night!). Having set schedules or rules concerning schedules will only cost you important time and money trying to enforce and uphold those rules or schedules.
Bob should be returning to the office at some point... in the future. So stories of his teachings and methods should begin soon. In the mean time, keep a pen and some paper handy because the rules are constantly growing and evolving as Bob continues to grace us with his teachings.
Until Next Time.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Rule #11 and 12
In my excitement to let the world know of the teachings of Bob, I actually left out an important rule. It is important enough, that I felt like I needed to stop by again and inform the public.
11. Business is about making friends. This is actually a critical rule as most businesses at some point will need to rely on either one of two things. First, businesses need to buy things from other businesses, and second, businesses need to sell things, either to other businesses or customers. Remember to always make friends with other businesses or potential customers, this way other businesses will want to give you discounts when you buy from them, and customers will want to spend more just to do business with you! The first step of this rule is to call everyone buddy. People like that. It shows them that you are friendly, and they will then want to give you more money! And on the reverse they will want to give you big discounts, even when they have set fixed prices. When purchasing supplies your company needs, always remember the first step, and in addition, let them know your story. People doing business love to hear the stories of others, it distracts them from their otherwise monotonous careers. Always let them know, that as their friend, you need discounts. If you are a big business, you could say, "Buddy, we are large and spread thin, help us out with a discount." If you are a small business you could say, "Buddy, we are just a small company, help us out." At that point they will know you are their friend and they will feel morally obligated to give you a discount.
12. Repeat everything at least twice. Remember that not everyone is as smart as you. Even if they say they understand, it is critical that you continue to say what you have been trying to say. Spend at least 15 minutes to get your point across, even if saying it once would only take 15 seconds. When you realize that your employees are far below your level you will be much better equipped to deal and speak with them. Repeat everything at least twice. Remember that not everyone is as smart as you. Even if they say they understand, it is critical that you continue to say what you have been trying to say. Spend at least 15 minutes to get your point across, even if saying it once would only take 15 seconds. When you realize that your employees are far below your level you will be much better equipped to deal and speak with them.
Bob has actually left for the day, so I can't remember if rule #11 was actually one rule or two. Either way, the information is important, Buddy.
More rules and stories will be posted within the coming days, so stay tuned Buddy.
11. Business is about making friends. This is actually a critical rule as most businesses at some point will need to rely on either one of two things. First, businesses need to buy things from other businesses, and second, businesses need to sell things, either to other businesses or customers. Remember to always make friends with other businesses or potential customers, this way other businesses will want to give you discounts when you buy from them, and customers will want to spend more just to do business with you! The first step of this rule is to call everyone buddy. People like that. It shows them that you are friendly, and they will then want to give you more money! And on the reverse they will want to give you big discounts, even when they have set fixed prices. When purchasing supplies your company needs, always remember the first step, and in addition, let them know your story. People doing business love to hear the stories of others, it distracts them from their otherwise monotonous careers. Always let them know, that as their friend, you need discounts. If you are a big business, you could say, "Buddy, we are large and spread thin, help us out with a discount." If you are a small business you could say, "Buddy, we are just a small company, help us out." At that point they will know you are their friend and they will feel morally obligated to give you a discount.
12. Repeat everything at least twice. Remember that not everyone is as smart as you. Even if they say they understand, it is critical that you continue to say what you have been trying to say. Spend at least 15 minutes to get your point across, even if saying it once would only take 15 seconds. When you realize that your employees are far below your level you will be much better equipped to deal and speak with them. Repeat everything at least twice. Remember that not everyone is as smart as you. Even if they say they understand, it is critical that you continue to say what you have been trying to say. Spend at least 15 minutes to get your point across, even if saying it once would only take 15 seconds. When you realize that your employees are far below your level you will be much better equipped to deal and speak with them.
Bob has actually left for the day, so I can't remember if rule #11 was actually one rule or two. Either way, the information is important, Buddy.
More rules and stories will be posted within the coming days, so stay tuned Buddy.
The 15 Step Plan to Success!
Greetings! I wanted to start this off the right way.
Most of the time I will post stories about my experiences working with Bob and show you, the reader ways to apply the lessons from these stories into your own successful business enterprises. The stories will be both humorous and uplifting, and at the same time extremely informative. You should have pen and paper handy at all times to jot down notes as the life and business lessons learned here are invaluable. In fact, without these lessons you may very well actually die. So please, take note.
Now, today, I will be doing something a little different to start this thing off the right way. Today, you will be treated to the 15 step plan for success in the business world, as presented to me by my friend and mentor Bob. These 15 steps may very well be the most important 15 lines of text you will read, Ever.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in, this is the most important thing... Ever.
Very well, onto the steps.
1. Business Plan. Anyone who knows anything about business knows that the first step to running a business is to have a business plan that outlines your ideas and goals for the business. Well unfortunately, none of those people were Bob, and in fact companies have been doing it wrong for centuries. The best way to successfully run a business is not to start with a business plan, as Bob has told me, business is changing ALL the time, so why lock your company into a rigid business plan. Remember, the best policy is fly by the seat of your pants, whatever pops into your mind is the right thing to be doing.
2. Never listen to your subordinates. Remember, YOU are the one that created this business, YOU are the one with the fancy degrees. Who do they think they are trying to explain things to you, or tell you their opinions. Sometimes its alright to listen to them, but make sure that you do not follow any of their suggestions. Remember, even if one of your employees tells you something they believe is right, it isn't right until you confirm it is so. In fact, stop everything you and your employee are doing and call someone to confirm. Even if you have to wait on hold for 30 minutes that time is better spent than if you both were working. In the end, even if your employee was "right", he wasn't correct until you confirmed it was so.
3. Always, I repeat, Always wait until the last minute to either work on, or turn in important documents, whether it be grant proposals or any other important documents you may have been working on. This will show any potential reviewers of your documents that you are a hard worker. Even if you turn it in late, they will know that you were working so hard that it took you right up to the bitter end before you finished.
4. Feign Ignorance. Remember, they can't blame you for something you didn't even know. If for example you happen to submit something late, just act like you were unaware of the due date/time. Don't worry, they will feel bad and give you an extension!
5. It's never YOUR fault. Your employees were hired by you to do what you want and need. This includes taking the blame if you ever screw up. If an important item was left out of a document because of your adherence to Rule #3 (Read: You worked until the bitter end) and a lack of time to review, it is not your fault. Your employees should be ready to cater to your every whim and need and anticipate that you will be working to the bitter end. Just remember, blame your employees and you will succeed.
6. Make your numbers up. If you find yourself working on budgets, or financial documents, always remember to make your numbers up to achieve the final results you want. If you write in documents that you are making money, people will believe you and give you more money!
7. Always hire students or recent graduates. Why pay top dollar for experienced employees when you can grab them right out of school for next to nothing? Recall Rule #2, you are always right anyways, so why hire someone who thinks they know everything already.
8. Don't give benefits to your employees. Why waste the money? Your employees will recognize you as the head honcho, and will be willing to forgo the usual benefits that employees of ALL other companies enjoy. Salaries, insurance, paid vacation, sick leave, raises, bonuses, retirement savings, and profit sharing all take away money from your company. Remember, business should be centered around YOU, as you know best, your employees are only there to support you and they will understand.
9. Your primary source of revenue should be from Research and Development grants. Even if those grants are intended to allow your company to take a product directly into the market, you shouldn't. It is always way easier to simply take the money than try and expand and sell your products. You will just create unnecessary headaches for yourself by trying to bring your product into market. If you MUST try to bring it into market, don't hire someone experienced in marketing or sales, just casually give the job to one of your students. *Please note, this rule only implicitly applies to technology/R&D companies, but the idea behind it can be applied to all businesses*
10. Powerpoint is king. This rule, even though listed last, may very well be the most important rule in the history of ever. It is so important, that it is actually inconceivable to imagine how people successfully ran businesses, nay, even lived, before Powerpoint was created. Any and ALL documents created in your business should be made in Powerpoint. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, simply dismiss it and tell them how superior Powerpoint is, remember after all, that it was YOU who started this business, and it is YOU who knows best.
Well that concludes the 15 rules for a successful business. You may be questioning why there are only 10 rules listed, but you would be wrong to do so. You also may be questioning why they are called steps first, then later called rules, but you would also be wrong to do so.
This article should set the tone for what is to come and what promises to be a great business partnership between myself, Dwight, you the reader, and also my mentor, Bob.
We hope to see you again soon.
Most of the time I will post stories about my experiences working with Bob and show you, the reader ways to apply the lessons from these stories into your own successful business enterprises. The stories will be both humorous and uplifting, and at the same time extremely informative. You should have pen and paper handy at all times to jot down notes as the life and business lessons learned here are invaluable. In fact, without these lessons you may very well actually die. So please, take note.
Now, today, I will be doing something a little different to start this thing off the right way. Today, you will be treated to the 15 step plan for success in the business world, as presented to me by my friend and mentor Bob. These 15 steps may very well be the most important 15 lines of text you will read, Ever.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in, this is the most important thing... Ever.
Very well, onto the steps.
1. Business Plan. Anyone who knows anything about business knows that the first step to running a business is to have a business plan that outlines your ideas and goals for the business. Well unfortunately, none of those people were Bob, and in fact companies have been doing it wrong for centuries. The best way to successfully run a business is not to start with a business plan, as Bob has told me, business is changing ALL the time, so why lock your company into a rigid business plan. Remember, the best policy is fly by the seat of your pants, whatever pops into your mind is the right thing to be doing.
2. Never listen to your subordinates. Remember, YOU are the one that created this business, YOU are the one with the fancy degrees. Who do they think they are trying to explain things to you, or tell you their opinions. Sometimes its alright to listen to them, but make sure that you do not follow any of their suggestions. Remember, even if one of your employees tells you something they believe is right, it isn't right until you confirm it is so. In fact, stop everything you and your employee are doing and call someone to confirm. Even if you have to wait on hold for 30 minutes that time is better spent than if you both were working. In the end, even if your employee was "right", he wasn't correct until you confirmed it was so.
3. Always, I repeat, Always wait until the last minute to either work on, or turn in important documents, whether it be grant proposals or any other important documents you may have been working on. This will show any potential reviewers of your documents that you are a hard worker. Even if you turn it in late, they will know that you were working so hard that it took you right up to the bitter end before you finished.
4. Feign Ignorance. Remember, they can't blame you for something you didn't even know. If for example you happen to submit something late, just act like you were unaware of the due date/time. Don't worry, they will feel bad and give you an extension!
5. It's never YOUR fault. Your employees were hired by you to do what you want and need. This includes taking the blame if you ever screw up. If an important item was left out of a document because of your adherence to Rule #3 (Read: You worked until the bitter end) and a lack of time to review, it is not your fault. Your employees should be ready to cater to your every whim and need and anticipate that you will be working to the bitter end. Just remember, blame your employees and you will succeed.
6. Make your numbers up. If you find yourself working on budgets, or financial documents, always remember to make your numbers up to achieve the final results you want. If you write in documents that you are making money, people will believe you and give you more money!
7. Always hire students or recent graduates. Why pay top dollar for experienced employees when you can grab them right out of school for next to nothing? Recall Rule #2, you are always right anyways, so why hire someone who thinks they know everything already.
8. Don't give benefits to your employees. Why waste the money? Your employees will recognize you as the head honcho, and will be willing to forgo the usual benefits that employees of ALL other companies enjoy. Salaries, insurance, paid vacation, sick leave, raises, bonuses, retirement savings, and profit sharing all take away money from your company. Remember, business should be centered around YOU, as you know best, your employees are only there to support you and they will understand.
9. Your primary source of revenue should be from Research and Development grants. Even if those grants are intended to allow your company to take a product directly into the market, you shouldn't. It is always way easier to simply take the money than try and expand and sell your products. You will just create unnecessary headaches for yourself by trying to bring your product into market. If you MUST try to bring it into market, don't hire someone experienced in marketing or sales, just casually give the job to one of your students. *Please note, this rule only implicitly applies to technology/R&D companies, but the idea behind it can be applied to all businesses*
10. Powerpoint is king. This rule, even though listed last, may very well be the most important rule in the history of ever. It is so important, that it is actually inconceivable to imagine how people successfully ran businesses, nay, even lived, before Powerpoint was created. Any and ALL documents created in your business should be made in Powerpoint. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, simply dismiss it and tell them how superior Powerpoint is, remember after all, that it was YOU who started this business, and it is YOU who knows best.
Well that concludes the 15 rules for a successful business. You may be questioning why there are only 10 rules listed, but you would be wrong to do so. You also may be questioning why they are called steps first, then later called rules, but you would also be wrong to do so.
This article should set the tone for what is to come and what promises to be a great business partnership between myself, Dwight, you the reader, and also my mentor, Bob.
We hope to see you again soon.
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